XD funni

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex
lives........."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!

Anti Valentine

Some people might actually be able to relate to this...

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line... Enjoy!

ANTI VALENTINE

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you, because I was p!ssed.

I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes,
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.

The roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Inspirations for the New Year

1. Set a Goal for yourself
2. Smile as often as you can
3. Share your happiness
4. Be ready to help "people"
5. Be childish
6. Learn to live in harmony with different people
7. Keep your humour
8. Do not be afraid under difficult situations
9. Forgive, Yes, Forgive
10. Cherish real friendship
11. Be cooperative and enjoy team work
12. Do not ignore your loved one
13. Be confident
14. Respect the weak
15. Spoil yourself occasionally
16. Do your favourite internet thing at least at lunch in the office
17. Be brave and try new things
18. Do not take money too seriously