Girls are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good, but easy.
So the apples up top think something wrong with them when in reality they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Monday, 4 December 2006
Friday, 24 November 2006
Clever Email
This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS!
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS!
Monday, 29 May 2006
Friday, 24 February 2006
Amusing Software Analogy
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,Tech Support
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1,Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fianc�e 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus
and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,Tech Support
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1,Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fianc�e 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus
and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
Wednesday, 15 February 2006
50 ways to know if you're an "Asian"
50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" (*The NEW List from the 1st to
1.5 Generation Perspective*)
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or
finance.
3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one
Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be
dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball,
basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the
Beijing Olympics.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to
throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or
one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used
but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam
jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles
and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or
come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out
or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and
travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys
surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/aparment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food
Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since
calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. Almost all your money is in a savings account
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends
From 1 proud Asian to another, forward this to every damn Asian you
know.
1.5 Generation Perspective*)
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or
finance.
3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one
Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be
dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball,
basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the
Beijing Olympics.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to
throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or
one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used
but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam
jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles
and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or
come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out
or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and
travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys
surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/aparment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food
Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since
calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. Almost all your money is in a savings account
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends
From 1 proud Asian to another, forward this to every damn Asian you
know.
How to be the Perfect Asian Australian Parent (from the second generation perspective)
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton ( Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girl friend yet.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton ( Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girl friend yet.
Top Ten Reasons why there won't be an Asian President Anytime Soon
1. White House not big enough for in-laws
2. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics
3. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
4. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
5. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother.
6. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
7. No chance for promotion.
8. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
10. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.
2. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics
3. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
4. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
5. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother.
6. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
7. No chance for promotion.
8. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
10. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.
You know you're an "Asian" if...
YOU KNOW YOU ARE INDONESIAN IF...
1. when u talk really fast, with rapid tongue movements
2. when u wear thongs or sandals everywhere, yes even in winter!
3. following above, always get bagged for wearing sandals
4. mie goreng is in the top 5 of ur fave foods
5. if you love taking photo studio pics
6. you like travelling in big group of frens, and talkin VERY loudly
Irrispective of your surroundings
7. almost a weekly ritual to go to church
YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes.
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman
(males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You only drive Japanese cars.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You wear pink Polo collar shirts, have loose beige pants, and
have blonde highlights in your hair.
3. You know what a Dalki, Pucca or Mashimoro is?
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You drive a Hyundai even though you won't admit it
6. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a mobile with you at all times.
3. You know the abbreviation of a.b.c.
4. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
5. You're afraid of black people.
6. A bicycle was a good form of transport before.
7. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You MUST have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho?" on the signage.
3. Guys wear green mircofibre pants with Nike sneakers, and girls
wear their flared black pants over their high sole shoes.
4. You know the abbreviation of f.o.b.
5. You have some relative who is Chinese.
6. Cabramatta makes you feel home sick.
7. You're afraid of black people.
8. You're fond of 2nd hand Japanese import cars.
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE PILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you
have a day job as a nurse, an engineer, or a accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star
or knows one.
3. Guys with jeans and white sneakers anyone?
4. You're always late for any engagement, and practice the art of
Philo time?
5. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were
black.
6. You love your Toyota 's and Honda's.
7. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not,
because being Philipino is just cool in itself.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People want to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You mum seems to workout at the local gym.
4. Without glasses your eyes would be the size of ants.
5. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're
ust as dark as they are.
6. Any car dump to the **** house is good?
7. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all
other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF...
1. You believe everything the Government tells you
2. But are willing to change your mind if someone slips you $50.
3. The whole world (and Soros) is out to suppress you and your
country.
4. You think that Mahathir will be around in 2020.
5. You welcome all people (be they black or otherwise) who invest in
the MSC .
6. You think you are superior to most other Asians, but $50 can
change that too.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF...
1. You eat, sleep, have sex and smile according to the policies
stipulated by the Government in the Red Book they gave you when you
were born.
2. The Red Book does not state that you have to be afraid of black
people so you aren't.
3. You know you are superior to all other Asians, because it says so
in the Red Book.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE ASIAN AUSTRALIAN IF...
1. You regret the fact that you did not learn Mandarin or other
Asian language properly in Saturday language school.
2. You say you're Australian, totally forgetting your roots.
3. During childhood you didn't have much asian friends, played
bullrush or handball and ate 'sunny boys' for lunch.
4. A form of choosing was done by 'dip.dip dog ****?!'
5. You know you have to shop at an Asian grocery store but you have
no idea what you are buying nor can you read any of the food labels.
6. You cheer for Australia during the Olympics, know local
Australian bands, and know what a Vb is.
7. You can speak fluent English without an accent.
8. Know what a Commodore and Falcon are. Yes..... they are cars!
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians, despite the fact
that they beat you in Maths in the VCE, can speak an Asian language
fluently and know what they are buying in Asian grocery stores.
1. when u talk really fast, with rapid tongue movements
2. when u wear thongs or sandals everywhere, yes even in winter!
3. following above, always get bagged for wearing sandals
4. mie goreng is in the top 5 of ur fave foods
5. if you love taking photo studio pics
6. you like travelling in big group of frens, and talkin VERY loudly
Irrispective of your surroundings
7. almost a weekly ritual to go to church
YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes.
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman
(males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You only drive Japanese cars.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You wear pink Polo collar shirts, have loose beige pants, and
have blonde highlights in your hair.
3. You know what a Dalki, Pucca or Mashimoro is?
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You drive a Hyundai even though you won't admit it
6. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a mobile with you at all times.
3. You know the abbreviation of a.b.c.
4. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
5. You're afraid of black people.
6. A bicycle was a good form of transport before.
7. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You MUST have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho?" on the signage.
3. Guys wear green mircofibre pants with Nike sneakers, and girls
wear their flared black pants over their high sole shoes.
4. You know the abbreviation of f.o.b.
5. You have some relative who is Chinese.
6. Cabramatta makes you feel home sick.
7. You're afraid of black people.
8. You're fond of 2nd hand Japanese import cars.
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE PILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you
have a day job as a nurse, an engineer, or a accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star
or knows one.
3. Guys with jeans and white sneakers anyone?
4. You're always late for any engagement, and practice the art of
Philo time?
5. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were
black.
6. You love your Toyota 's and Honda's.
7. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not,
because being Philipino is just cool in itself.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People want to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You mum seems to workout at the local gym.
4. Without glasses your eyes would be the size of ants.
5. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're
ust as dark as they are.
6. Any car dump to the **** house is good?
7. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all
other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF...
1. You believe everything the Government tells you
2. But are willing to change your mind if someone slips you $50.
3. The whole world (and Soros) is out to suppress you and your
country.
4. You think that Mahathir will be around in 2020.
5. You welcome all people (be they black or otherwise) who invest in
the MSC .
6. You think you are superior to most other Asians, but $50 can
change that too.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF...
1. You eat, sleep, have sex and smile according to the policies
stipulated by the Government in the Red Book they gave you when you
were born.
2. The Red Book does not state that you have to be afraid of black
people so you aren't.
3. You know you are superior to all other Asians, because it says so
in the Red Book.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE ASIAN AUSTRALIAN IF...
1. You regret the fact that you did not learn Mandarin or other
Asian language properly in Saturday language school.
2. You say you're Australian, totally forgetting your roots.
3. During childhood you didn't have much asian friends, played
bullrush or handball and ate 'sunny boys' for lunch.
4. A form of choosing was done by 'dip.dip dog ****?!'
5. You know you have to shop at an Asian grocery store but you have
no idea what you are buying nor can you read any of the food labels.
6. You cheer for Australia during the Olympics, know local
Australian bands, and know what a Vb is.
7. You can speak fluent English without an accent.
8. Know what a Commodore and Falcon are. Yes..... they are cars!
9. You know you are superior to all other Asians, despite the fact
that they beat you in Maths in the VCE, can speak an Asian language
fluently and know what they are buying in Asian grocery stores.
Wednesday, 25 January 2006
The 20 Acts of the Best Boyfriend
1. He fumbles to hold your hand instead of the other way around.
2. When he's watching tv he holds you or touches you in some way to let you know that he IS thinking about you.
3. He isn't embarrased to kiss you in front of his friends.
4. He introduces you to people he knows to show you off instead of ignoring you.
5. Lets you know that your as sexy as they come.
6. Leaves little love notes for you to find.
7. When your half asleep on the couch he gets a blanket for you and kisses you on the cheek.
8. Always thinks of you first when plans are being made.
9. Doesn't leave you alone with his mom for too long.
10.Opens doors for you to be a gentlemen.
11.Doesn't make you feel bad for getting upset with him.
12.Puts you first before all else.
13.He gives you affection to say I love you and not I want sex.
14.When your the first one to wake up he doesn't just role over and go back to sleep, he grabs you and says he wants to hold you some more.
15.He gives you flowers even if they are just dandylions.
16.Gives you compliments even when your not hinting for them.
17.Wants to share things that he loves with you so that you can become a part of them also.
18.Always saves a seat next to him for you.
19.Doesn't just listen when your complaining about your friends, but gives his opinion also to help you figure things out.
20.Takes the initiative to be romantic.
2. When he's watching tv he holds you or touches you in some way to let you know that he IS thinking about you.
3. He isn't embarrased to kiss you in front of his friends.
4. He introduces you to people he knows to show you off instead of ignoring you.
5. Lets you know that your as sexy as they come.
6. Leaves little love notes for you to find.
7. When your half asleep on the couch he gets a blanket for you and kisses you on the cheek.
8. Always thinks of you first when plans are being made.
9. Doesn't leave you alone with his mom for too long.
10.Opens doors for you to be a gentlemen.
11.Doesn't make you feel bad for getting upset with him.
12.Puts you first before all else.
13.He gives you affection to say I love you and not I want sex.
14.When your the first one to wake up he doesn't just role over and go back to sleep, he grabs you and says he wants to hold you some more.
15.He gives you flowers even if they are just dandylions.
16.Gives you compliments even when your not hinting for them.
17.Wants to share things that he loves with you so that you can become a part of them also.
18.Always saves a seat next to him for you.
19.Doesn't just listen when your complaining about your friends, but gives his opinion also to help you figure things out.
20.Takes the initiative to be romantic.
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